Recap-Review-Rant True Blood Season 4 Episode 3 – If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin?

Finally Alcide!!  Okay I got that out of my system.  His first appearance was a little marred due to the reappearance of a certain were-bitch that came along with him, but I’ll get to that later.  All together this was a pretty great episode.  As usual there were a few things I could have done without, but on the whole I was pleased.  It looks like Bill and Jason are the only guys getting any this season.  One of those I just don’t understand and the other I feel sorry for.  Hope he gets a better storyline next season, if he lives . . . you never know in Bon Temps.

This episode started out right where it left off the week before with Sookie and Eric.  She tries to run from him but of course he catches her.  As much time as she spends with vampires you’d think she would have stopped with the useless flight responses by now.  Her second reaction was great . . . she punched him in the nose, “I’m not your fuckin’ dinner.”  Hehehe  it was great.  “You broke my nose.”  He complained.  “Oh please, it’ll heal in five minutes you’re a vampire.”  Then we get the giggle under your breath Jersey Shore reference.  “I know I’m a vampire Snookie.”  He confesses that even though he knows he’s a vampire he doesn’t know who he is.  She begins to believe him and agrees to help him out as long as he doesn’t touch or bite her.

Along the way he keeps making silly almost childlike mistakes and there is a sweet kind of innocence in all his apologies that has Sookie giving him some very curious looks.  Of course she calls Pam as soon as they get back to her house.  I haven’t counted how many times they’ve cut to Pam and she’s in the office of Fangtasia doing something deliciously naughty.  Her one liners delivered with that dry matter of fact sarcastic tone when she has to answer the phone always make me laugh.  Of course the second she realizes something is wrong with Eric she is gone in the blink of an eye and at Sookie’s place seconds later.

Pam tells Sookie that witches did this to Eric and she thinks Bill is behind it, he wants an excuse to assassinate Eric and that Sookie has to hide him.   Sookie says she’s not dealing with witches to and when Pam threatens her Eric knocks her across the room.  The look on Pam’s face was priceless as was the sweet tone and demeanor she was forced to take with Sookie when Eric ordered her to ‘be nice’.  Sookie finally agrees but demands that Pam is going to pay her, if she’s going to put up with their crap then she might as well get something for it.

The aftermath for Lafayette and the coven was somewhat different.  They don’t know Eric doesn’t remember or know what happened and not surprisingly Tara is pissed and Lafayette is freaking smooth out.   The rest of the coven is indignant for the most part, especially Marnie.  The best thing to take away from their first appearance this episode is that none of them have realized the implications that necromancy holds for vampires.  Of course that’s probably because of the AVL claiming to the American public that vampirism is a virus.  Most of them including Marnie proclaim that he is infringing upon their right to freedom of religion.  Lafayette laid down just who they were dealing with.  “This is Eric ‘fuckin’ Northman, whose ancient and stupid powerful and can kill all o’us.”  Marnie of course and most of the others are defiant and when Jesus questions Marnie about what she did to send Eric away, of course she can’t remember because it wasn’t really her.

When Lafayette is alone with Tara and Jesus he tells them he thinks they should go to Eric and throw themselves on his mercy, he doesn’t think they stand a chance otherwise.   They think that’s a terrible idea and Tara makes Jesus promise that he won’t let him go.  The next day Tara goes to Sookie to talk to Eric on Lafayette’s behalf, I understand Sookie’s rather odd reaction and her lying about seeing Eric, but if I’d been Tara I probably would have been a little more pissed at her than Tara was.  Sookie lucked out from being further grilled by her best friend when Sam shows up and Sookie is able to slip away.

While Sam and Tara share a shot of tequila Lafayette slips away to go to Fangtasia and of course Pam promptly throws him in the dungeon.  Tara and Jesus are just a few minutes behind him however and Tara threatens Pam with a gun loaded with wooden bullets.  They promise to bring Marnie to Pam, she’s the only one who can reverse what happened to Eric.  Pam agrees to let them go but they have to bring Marnie back to her in twenty-four hours..  She delivers her ‘or else’ in the most unemotional and flat tone per usual making it funny and yet chilling at the same time.  “I will personally eat, fuck and kill all three of you.”

We find out just how strict the ‘Authority’ is being with the vampire populace when we first see Bill and he sentences a vampire to the true death for getting caught on film feeding on a human and then Jessica, his own ‘child’, shows up and confesses that she just fed on a human.  Bill of course goes off a little on her and hopes she wasn’t caught on film.   “Not even I can protect you, if that happens.”  “I’m not stupid . . . just unfaithful.”  Bill calms down and advises her to tell Hoyt, saying that you can’t have a relationship based on lies, just not in those exact words, and even though I’m definitely not ‘Team Bill’ even I caught the ‘he’s thinking about Sookie’ vibe.  Awwww, I felt bad for him for about two seconds.

Later, Bill is just a little upset that Eric hasn’t contacted him and order’s him, as his ‘king’, to contact him immediately before he’s rejoined at dinner by that same lawyer who was going to help Sookie get her house back.  I finally figured out her name is Portia, to be honest I do not remember hearing it spoken in an episode yet.  I’m not saying it wasn’t, I just can’t remember it.  Of course that could have something to do with the fact that she’s the type of egotistical power hungry bitch I despise and I’m secretly hoping that she is cannon fodder who will come to a bloody end before the season is out.  Her frank proposal to have sex with Bill was the type that made me hope the person delivering it has an extremely humbling visit from karma coming in the very near future.

Jessica returns home and Hoyt, worried because of all the anti-vampire rhetoric on the news, is already upset.  He’s holding a creepy looking and dirty doll and he asks her about it, she swears she threw it in the lake, and he claims he’s taken it to the dump, but somehow it keeps turning back up on their bed.  I wonder if this is going to lead into next season stringing us along with small little hints like this, or if its something we’ll learn about soon.  Later Jessica gives the doll to Arlene’s ‘evil’ baby Mikey.  This is the only time we see Arlene and Terry this episode, and Terry is thrilled with the doll, at least this one he can’t tear up, he says to Arlene.  It’s probably a good thing that they judiciously space out the crazy rants and worries of Arlene about her newest spawn, but I was still able to get a laugh out of this little snippet.

Jessica takes Bill’s advice . . . at first.  Finding out that she didn’t sleep with the guy, just drank his blood, doesn’t make Hoyt feel any better.  Jessica tells him she was just hungry for something different.  Now if it were me I would have gone with a food analogy like . . . do you want to eat hamburgers for every single meal.  Instead she says, ‘oh come on, you at least look at other women.  Hoyt loses his temper, no he doesn’t, ‘because other women don’t exist for me’.  Poor Hoyt, they are so doomed.  Jessica eventually glamours Hoyt into forgetting that she told him and swears she’ll never do it again.  How soon do you wanna bet she breaks that promise?  I like Jessica, don’t get me wrong, but she is one of those people who is ruled entirely by their drives and being a vampire has only made that worse.

I read later somewhere that during to first run of this episode #poorJason was trending on twitter or something.  As much of a manwhore as he’s been I was surprised so many were sympathetic to him, but I have to admit, I was as well.  At least he finally figured out that Crystal is nothing more than a ‘crazy hillbilly addict’.  His cries of anguish while the line of hotshot women anxiously awaited their turn were pretty heart rending and I really did feel sorry for the poor guy.  Of course the ‘Pam’ side of me is sitting here thinking that if he hadn’t been such a blind stupid fuck in the first place he wouldn’t be in this position, I quickly set her to the side however.

Sookie visits Alcide and I started doing a little happy dance in my chair until Debbie swept into the picture.  I understand she’s clean and sober now and trying really hard to make everything work, and Alcide is a saint for taking her back and helping her through everything but . . . meh.  Personally I think if Sookie ends up with anyone it should be Alcide, so I wasn’t happy about this.  I understand Sookie immediately disposing of the idea of asking Alcide to hide Eric, being a ‘V’ addict, Debbie would not make a good housemate for Eric.  I loved Alcide’s reaction when he found out Eric was staying with Sookie though, it was great, there was still some obvious sexual tension between him and Sookie, so that made me happy.

Sookie herself hasn’t addressed the fact that everything that happened a year ago is only a few days ago to her, except for briefly in the first episode.  It was never more the silent elephant in the room than when Sookie first saw Debbie.  I wonder if they are going to actually ‘deal’ with how this has to be affecting her or if they are just going to act like she was able to breeze past it.  There was a brief scene when she first saw Tara last episode and she has a brief flashback of being chased by faeries, that leads me to believe they might have it catch up with her somewhere down the line.  I think it would make for some good drama.

Andy finally begins to wonder where Jason disappeared to, but instead of doing something productive like . . . looking for him.  He does another drop of ‘V’ and almost shoots Sam while making a total ass of himself.  Marnie tries using blood magic to call on the spirit who used her to banish Eric, she begs so hard and so desparately that it becomes somewhat pathetic.  In the mirror we see the spirit of a woman watching Marnie.  The leader of the coven may be just a little too desparate for this spirit.  I wonder if it will try and use the real juice of the coven, Lafayette, for whatever it is she has planned.   Last and yeah kinda least, in my opinion, Tommy is of course trying to grift the woman who has been taking care of him and treating him like a son for a year.  Granted Mrs. Foytenberry’s motivations for taking Tommy in are, I’m sure, almost totally selfish.  That doesn’t change the fact that she took in a total stranger and took care of him like family.  So of course Tommy wants to enlist Sam’s help in screwing her over.  Sam refuses him threatening to tell Maxine and typically Tommy throws a temper tantrum and storms out.

Claudine shows up and tries to convince Sookie to come with her and right after Sookie tells her to stay away Eric suddenly sweeps by grabbing Claudine.  Sookie yells for him to stop but Claudine’s blood is obviously too delicious judging by the sounds he’s making.  Claudine reverts to the way a full faerie really looks and then bursts into faerie dust.  “You just killed my faerie godmother.”  Eric’s answering ‘sorry’ and the blood-filled yet child-like smile of innocence he gives her in return, close out the show.

I know I’ve exclaimed my love for the opening song of this show previously, but I have to say they close this show with a variety of really sweet music as well.  This episode it was a mellow kind of jazzy version of “Season of the Witch’ that was really awesome and that I must go find on iTunes now.  Sorry this was so late, I’m going to try and get these done a little closer to when the actual episode airs from now on rather than the next episode.  Hope you enjoyed my rant.

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